So following previous blog post and video on Shift that heartbreak I will go deeper into the first step.
A breakup can really impact a person's deeper emotions, her life and equilibrium in many different levels.
This can be explained by the attachment styles one has, and the level of emotional intelligence that can help with how a person reacts towards or in a situation, however it is clear that break ups aren't easy.
Regardless if you are the one wanting to end things or if you are the one on the other end of the picture...
Its HARD no matter what!!!
Let's say we are on that other side of the picture,
and we are now suffering after a breakup.
number one I really want you to know that is OK, super OK for you to be feeling how you are.
Is OK to feel lost,
To feel you no longer know who you are.
Is OK to feel down and physically feel like you just want your bed.
Hun this is super humanly OK!
Embrace this moment, and how you feel.
3 Ways to Focus on Yourself after a heartbreak:
1- Cut cords:
(here there's different ways to do this)
- STOP looking for information, such as if he is OK, what is he doing, where did he went, with who. Asking friends or "casually" going to the same places.
This will only make you have more hope and make it harder to get over the other person, and in one way or another you are allowing him to be your focus therefore it will be hard to embrace any pain and continuing feeling it along with denying it daily to others and most likely to yourself.
- STOP checking his social media or his new girl, how happy they are and how "you don't want him anyways!"...
Is time that you start to be real to yourself and this will only happen when you detach from your emotions. (also energetically you are resisting to cut cords)
- No texting!!! Cut it ALL unless is really necessary (when there are kids involved, however stick to talking about the kids ONLY)
Is important to remember that Lovers don't just become friends straight after a breakup, this is a very difficult time for both, in special when there are still feelings from one side, sometimes resulting in a unhealthy "friendship".
You must use this time to FOCUS on yourself and learning how to LOVE yourself how you love him, start by:
- Dating yourself
- Doing what makes yo happy
- Get to know the real YOU.
2- Be patient:
Is OK to be feeling down and cry, a breakup hurts, so is only natural that you have to express that physically.
It takes time to overcome a heartbreak or maybe you will never overcome the way you so much want it, there are those who believe that you need as much time as you were in love to heal the pain of a breakup.
Who knows.
What is important to take here is that Overcoming a heartbreak does not mean you stop loving the person, because the true can be that you will love the person forever overall true love is eternal right?
But instead of focusing (and asking God) to help you stop loving the person.
- Spend time with yourself
- Acknowledge your emotions
- Embrace them
- Allow it time
you can write in a journal, you can start running, going to the gym, take a new dance class, whatever that will make you feel glad you are alive... but use that time to truly embrace and Accept how you feel.
Looking deeper.
Abstain from blaming, this blame game is only there to stop you from moving on,
There are questions that will never be answered
Things that you will never know
and clearly is not healthy to make assumptions.
Use this time to TRULY EMBRACE AND ACCEPT how YOU FEEL. And what part have you played in your relationship (focusing on yourself solely)
Do not get involved with anyone else thinking you are going to forget your ex!
3- Celebrate your individuality:
How long have you been in a relationship?
How long have you been in love?
why are you heartbroken? is it really love? or you are comfortable, safe, and so used to the next person you cant see yourself without them... then you confuse it with love.
Is OK to feel like this,
no you are not a bad person.
But NOW is time you find out for real, is time to celebrate your new discoveries, the things you have to decide alone now.
- Is time for individual growth:
Growing with someone is an amazing feeling, and growing individually is also super rewarding and exiting! There is so much you can do now for yourself, and you could record this daily.
A great example is spending time with yourself, how many of us do not spend enough time with ourselves?
Now you have that time, and you can reflect on it too.
You can learn new skills and strengthen old ones.
- Be open to the possibility to being confused on who you are, it is so normal after being in a relationship for so long that you are having trouble with your identity, this is because along the way you were doing everything with someone else, all decisions were together, most trips, most daily routines which leads you to confusion and other emotions.
So Now that you had a glimpse of first steps to Focus on yourself after a breakup, are you ready??
REMEMBER:
Focusing on yourself is the best thing you can do to your life and those around you (such as your kids) <3
Wishing you strength and love x