Cheating and Relationships: Questions answered.

Heya,

Welcome back to another week, another post, and today we have our Questions answered, you ask we respond.

The question of this month is: What are your views on cheating and on those that cheat and forgive or not cheating.

Wow,

What a great question this is, it can be separated into three questions and therefore 3 answers. I will focus on talking about cheating and relationships and hopefully I answer your question.

Cheating: act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.

Cheating can come in many forms, is a betrayal and this can be looked in different ways depending on each individual perception.

I have met people that cheating breaks their family and others that bring them together, therefore ultimately is down to each individual to access the level of acceptance one has in such a disrespect.

I have met women that say "He is mine, no matter where he goes he comes back to me..." this wants to portray an image of power when it shows a lack of self love and respect.

I heard men that cheat say, "she can never see someone else", some women take this as "he loves me", this is a controlling mechanism which is led by his ego.

Some women do not forgive cheating at all but that does not mean they were not affected by this dishonest act.

People forgive and accept cheating as if it was "Ups baby I brought the wrong bread again..." and here we go we keep pretending to be a happy family until one gets the baguette instead of chibatta...

"...Oh but this time was different,

it was a mistake, I dint want to trip on top of her body and love every bit of her, walk away and having her live in my head all day, her smell engraved in my skin, but I still love you doe..."

Cheating is not a mistake, a mistake is when you accidentally use salt instead of sugar or put the coffee bottle in the fridge instead of the cupboard.

There was intimacy built, feelings, a whole story formed (that cannot be erased) & many I love yous formed.

When two people come together, there are so much happening, chemistry, emotions, sexual tension, intimacy, vulnerability, you become involved with the energy and a bond is created, and for this to happen time is one of the elements. Meanwhile two or rather 3 lives are being played with, leading to women or men starting to fight with one another over the perpetrator forgetting the real picture here.

I personally cannot say that I was cheated on, or that I have ever managed to forgive a disrespect like that so perhaps I cannot comment on certain actions, when my partner was "almost cheating" as he puts it, I sure walked out, because cheating is not the carnal act itself, but all that leads to it. Before you sleep with someone, there is the "honey moon phase", the chasing the men does, the romanticism and all that entails to win a woman.

The question I asked myself was: Can I really go to bed every night not trusting the man who's supposed to be my partner in crime? my best friend?

Not that I don’t believe in forgiveness- I do. Forgiveness takes time...

The question I asked myself was: Can I really go to bed every night not trusting the man who's supposed to be my partner in crime? my best friend?

If there is something I learn and I live by is: If you wouldn't like it to be done to you, dont do it yourself. I can proudly say I dont lie, I do my best to always stay true to myself and walk in Integrity, therefore accepting that my partner sat with someone else talking about our problems which should be resolved at home, and got himself involved (for whatever reason he might want to give) is not in my nature, however it may be for other women and that does not make them less or more, we are all built differently.

& whatever choice we make is OK, there’s no right or wrong, the truth we will know.

How cheating affects you and therefore a relationship:

Cheating is one of the most painful experiences anyone can go through, is more than a betrayal is a lie which compromises every truth that was once said, or any reality once promised, it impacts your wellbeing and mental health in many levels and leads you to doubt yourself and your actions in many ways.

1- CONFIDENCE /SELF ESTEEM: These are greatly affected has you suddenly can't recognise yourself anymore, you start doubting yourself, your judgments and you feel disappointed with yourself, am I really worth this much?

Because of this you then start stalking the next person, to see how she's(he's) doing, why he/her, you also start seeing why her and not you with insecure eyes.

When this start happening is a sign that you really need to focus on yourself and really find happiness and remember you will not find happiness where you lost it.

- You should never have to question your worth specially over someone else actions. You are worth beyond words, and remember to stand in your power, regain your confidence and look at the facts.

Insecurity is fear speaking through your weakness sense - let that go.

2- RECURRENT ARGUMENTS: Your relationship becomes a river of arguments, because you are hurt, sore and now ever girl/boy you see is a threat, you lay your head in your pillow and will always wonder what your partner is doing, they are smiling on their phone ...hmmm you guess it.

SHIFT that thought, go and heal, find your value and your worth, is ok if you said more than you meant it, if things got misunderstood, whoever is for you NO MATTER WHAT will be for you, let the Universe bring it to you (stop forcing it) specially to prove or show to others something, because at the end of the day you are the one sitting at home, going through their accounts looking for evidence to feel hurt.

- Remove yourself from the situation, be with your feelings, with your emotions, rescue yourself without the need of someone else to rescue and heal. Start responding instead of reacting, set boundaries and walk away from what no longer serves you.

3- THE BLAMING GAME: You know when we start blaming ourselves for the cheating?

feeling that it was our fault? and we led them to it (sounds crazy right?) this one is the most common of them all.

I need you to pay attention to this: IS NOT YOUR FAULT, you are not to blame if he is weak, coward and unable to be straight forward with you. As a matter of fact with HIMSELF. You are standing before someone who is not sure about themselves nor you, you are not to blame in any way, and you dont need to prove nothing to no one, take ownership over your life.

Or a huge mistake most women do is to blame the other women/men which "came to spoil the relationship", if the relationship was good nothing would shake it, if your partner was trustworthy no one could come and fall in love with him and rock the boat of your relationship.

We must understand that and stop fighting with other women/men, your partner was the one that had a commitment with you, that promised you respect, he/she is the one that break that promise, yet you "hate her" more than you "hate him", this is insane, acknowledge that feeling is called insecurity, fear of losing, fear of the other being better or have his/her heart a slight, that is the truth of such negative emotion.

Your partner is the one coming your of their way to repeat the same promises he/she made to you to someone else, remember how that felt? yes is happening with someone else, so how can we stand and blame someone else or ourselves?

- Find your worth, your values, base your story on FACTS and take ownership.

4- LOSS: when suddenly you feel that you have lost all that you have built, your safe space, a reality that you had for so long and now it feels impossible to move on - This is normal, is ok, grieve, cry, do what you have to do and then get up and move from there.

Whatever you do DO NOT STAY THERE.

- Acknowledge- Accept - Let go (more on this on a future blog)

To all My Sisters:

THINGS YOU SHOULD REMEMBER:

You are not to blame - others actions are a reflection of who their are, yours of who you are.

A woman chooses her man, not the other way round.

You are worth it to be anything you want to be and have anyone you want to have - You attract the vibration you transmit.

We came to the end of this amazing post,

Thank you for your questions and keep sending them I will be so pumped to answer them all on our Questions answered Monthly Blog post.

I hope I answered your questions and would you like me to expand in areas of self care and development for you that have been cheated and are struggling to bring yourself back up? send me a message on nadiadias@nuaacademy.com

Wishing you all a great weekend ahead.

With Love

Nadia xx